Hey Crew!

How has everyone been doing since the last time we spoke? I have a feeling some of you have started to go back to work and some of you are in limbo with the state of things. I just want to remind you that you are not alone. Please reach out to friends, family, or even me if you are feeling lost or just need a reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will do my best to keep giving you something to look forward to and something to lighten your spirits. I am still working on getting some sort of schedule going, but you know me, I loose track of time and my head very easily. But I will always be around. We’ve got this!

Let’s just jump into this project that I have been working on.

Just to recap, during this pandemic I have been forcing myself to work on personal challenges. As of this post I have done 8 out of the 14 original challenges. I have also been doing other little projects here and there, but that is besides the point. Recently, I have started to film my process and my work flow. It has definitely added another level to my career as well as a HUGE learning curve with film making. (Just out of curiosity, if anyone else is a film editor, what programs would you recommend? I am finding it incredibly difficult to work with the basic program that I have. Maybe I need more practice, but I feel as though there is an easier way.)

With this latest project I tackled the Night/Day challenge. At first I had an idea to do like a butterfly for day and a moth for night and try to cleaver with symbolism. During my research phase, I could not for the life of me figure out which 2 I would choose. The more I learned about the different types of butterflies and moths the more I was hitting a brick wall. But I pushed through and chose a monarch butterfly and a luna moth. I wanted to freshen up with my digital art skills and try to make a cool vector piece. But I ran into some terrible luck and found out my drawing tablet kicked the bucket. So it became 100x harder. Since I am a lefty it is incredibly hard to draw with a mouse. Things were just not working out for me. I was trying to use a lot of pre-programmed effects and sketching tools to try to make it work. It was a nightmare. And I failed.

There are just problems with the composition, the pattern, colors and the visual feeling of it. I worked on this for 2 solid days to get this mess. And instead of throwing in the towel and crawling under a rock, like I would have done, I embraced it. It sounds a lot easier than it is. I am my own worse critic. I know how to tear my self apart and make myself lose faith. There is a lot of things to unpack there, but this is not the time. (Maybe in another post, if people want it.) I had to come up with a new idea. To push past this failure. I need to learn from it.

I went Back to my Roots.

I came up with some sketches and found some really good reference photos and got to work.

• 

• 

I was still going to add in the butterfly and moth idea come Hell or high water. So I got to thinking about Mother Earth and day and night and flowers. I was trying to play with the opposites. Like the monarch butterfly is the most well know butterfly (at least in North America) and the luna moth is the most well know moth. Then I knew I had to add a sunflower for day, cause why not? And I had to do some research on flowers that bloom at night and the moonflower was perfect. I am not sure many people know about this flower, (I know I had no clue) so here are some basic facts:

Moonflowers can add their incredible beauty and powerful fragrance to a night garden. Moonflower plants have large, beautiful, heart-shaped leaves growing on huge, robust vines that need a large trellis to support them. The iridescent white, trumpet-shaped flowers are around 6 inches long and 3 to 6 inches wide. These spectacular flowers unfurl from cone-shaped buds as the sun goes down and on some cloudy days. Moonflower plants are perfect to grow in an outdoor eating area or near a bedroom window, where their fragrance can sweeten the night air.

https://www.thespruce.com/growing-moon-flower-in-containers-4125231

Once I got my reference photos and some background information, I was ready to take the plunge. At first things went smoothly. And then my brain decided to think we knew how to make it look like stain-glass. And things went side-ways.

So as you can see from this video, things were great. I felt like it really came together and it was 100x better than the digital trial.

The Mistake

I was having a hard time with my camera and it missed whole sections of work and I was tired and just wanted to get it done in one sitting. And in the fog of crazy I thought I knew how to make it look like a freaking stain-glass piece. Like I told myself that I just need to cut it up and add some sort of boarder around the pieces and BAM it is done! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH….. Pfft, I had NO idea what I was doing.

This is the reason I should go to bed early. My brain steered me wrong. And then I tried to save it. It was ok.

The point I am trying to make is that I failed and that was ok.

I am not going to be able to smash all the levels at the same time. I have to do some grinding and practice my craft. Even though I have a degree and I have had some success, I still need to be humbled. If I didn’t fail, what would the point be? Nothing in life is just handed to you. (And no I am not getting into a class debate. Save that for another creator, thank you.) You have to learn to love your mistakes as well. You have to learn to accept and move forward. Trust me, it has taken me years to get to this point. I know it is so hard to see all the perfect influencers or friends/family/peers or just random people out there on the web or in real life. I 1000% get the struggle of trying to see yourself mixed in with those people. It is disheartening and a real obstacle for people to over come. I couldn’t compare with them in my mind. But I am here to tell you that I am like you and I make mistakes. I promise to become that person that is real. That shows the ups and downs. And not to sugar coat it. I want to be that person that make you feel welcomed and to know you are not alone. I know I need that kind of role model and peer to know that I am here and I do belong. Because we do belong, no matter what.

So please join me and my adeventures. Let’s start this movement. Let’s start saying Failure is ok too. #FailureisOK2

Until next time,

Suzanna ❤