Author: Suzanna

Entry 8: Plotting out the Map

We found an interesting hide away to store some of our treasure. A small little hole in the wall, disguised as a bar. Only the locals really know about it, but it is fantastic. Have to remember to plot this point on our map so we don’t forget about it. It feels like this was the boots to our sails that we needed. Thanks to the wind and sea, we are staying on coarse now.

You guys, my peeps, my Crew….. I have a gallery show up and running!! I still can’t believe that I am able to put my work out there in the general public. I find it easier to post things online, because you know, it is easier to distance your real life from a virtual life. If that makes any sense? But now it is in my real, physical life. People in my local community can see my work. People that I communicate with can see it. It is kind of like anxiety smashed excitement and has me in some sort of limbo feeling. It is so unreal. If you are in my local waters, please go to the Hermit Thrush Brewery. In the bar, you need to go into the small hide-away in the back to see my pieces. It doesn’t cost anything to see the pieces. But from what my siblings say of the local brew, that they have at the bar, you should try some (Only if you are of legal drinking age).

However, if you can’t make it to town and see them in person, I have some pictures of opening night with my family.

FYI: I had to change out one of my paintings because it was too “scary”. So the pictures without the people are what is currently in the gallery/bar. Those in the pictures are my mother, sister, and brother. As for the dude in the kitchen, no clue who he is.

In the mean time, I am still working on the outline for everything that I want to get to doing. I have had some hiccups in the road, but I am not going to drop off the face of the Earth again. I promise. I just need a few more days to finalize everything. Thank you for your patience. I truly will not let you down.

Final thoughts from you Captain: Things are looking good. Just need to finalize things with my cartographer. It is always better to go out with a plan and back up plans just in case things go awry. This is going to be the greatest journey of them all!

Your Captain,

Suzanna

Find out where your Captain has traveled to:

Entry 7: Lost in the Siren’s Song

The island of The Lost was very fitting for it’s name. I was entranced by the Sirens that live here. I feel as though I have finally awoken from a deep sleep. My ship is in need of some repairs since being docked here for so long. The ocean has put my ship to better use than I have and made a new coral reef. But enough with the sorrow filled poems of my lost mind. Time to repair and set off.

Note to Self: Sometimes lovely sounding things are not as wonderful as they seem.

I want to first apologies for how late I am. I am not going to bore you with all the details of the happenings since my last log entry, but I will give a brief summary. So, last time you heard from me was back in June of 2018. I was telling you about moving and such. Ring any bells? (I had to reread my own entries to be on task.) Well, June was a hectic mess of a move. Then in July I thought that I just needed a fresh start. I thought I needed to get out of Vermont, out of my comfort zone, and I will just burst with inspiration! So I tried moving to Austin, Texas. I packed up my 8 tubs of belongings and my cat, Sammy, and headed out with a friend and her rabbit. The road trip was the easy part. The hard part was that I had a complete mental collapse. I was not as strong as I thought I was. So after 2 weeks in Austin, I just had to come back home to Vermont. I needed the help of my family and home. So me and Sammy made it all the way back to Vermont. Sammy is my rock above all rocks. He kept me together long enough to get help. Truth be told, I am only still here because of him.

Long story short, I got the help I so desperately needed. I feel stronger and more at one with myself now. I am working with wonderful people to help me navigate this adult life. Although, I do wish finding a job would be easier. Like I have been looking for something in my field since December of 2018. DECEMBER! And now it is almost June again. I know I can get any stop gap kind of job, but I am learning how to be selfish and push for the right job for me. The struggle ship has been plowing me over and over. Why is there a lack of need for artists in my area? But I have a few interviews lined up, so cross your fingers for me.

Outside of my mental health and my own version of the “Hunt for the Holy Grail”, I have been slowly pushing myself to do more. I am trying to get involved with some local volunteering groups. I have a gallery showing for June! I am super excited and hella nervous. I will definitely give you all more information closer to the opening. If you told me that I am actively seeking out community outside of my family a year ago, I would have laughed in your face and called you crazy. I was so scared of other people back then. It is crazy how well I am doing with life. Now I just need a job. Slowly yet surely, or so they say.

I think I am going to leave things here for the moment. I promise more content and a regular schedule is coming. So don’t go anywhere just yet. Things are just getting started. I am planning to post more of my artwork that no one has seen before. I have been told to “go big or go home.” So it is balls to the wall time now. I am also researching other platforms to do different things. Like maybe a YouTube channel or Twitch? Also I have been working on creating a business plan and goals for the future. There are a ton of things that I have that will becoming to life in the next couple of weeks. I am super excited to share everything that I have been working on with you guys. Get ready for the show!

Final thoughts from your Captain: The ship has finally been repair and we can get off this Hellish island. I am done being lost. We will not fall victim to the wayward life. We have adventures to get to! As your Captain, I pledge that this ship will continue to move forward. No more long stops. No more Siren’s songs. Plug up your ears with wax my loyal crew, for we have places to explore.

Your Captain,

Suzanna

Entry 6: Chaos

Captain’s Log: Where did I put that Map?

Some times I think that if my head wasn’t attached to my body it would be lost at sea. It also doesn’t help that all of my supplies and gear (and sanity) are all packed away. Currently your Captain is on the way to move ships. A nice change of location is in order. However, with everything packed away to move, I can’t find anything that I need. Your Captain is a hot mess at the moment.

Sorry about the delay in entries. Moving is a pain in the *** . Between all of my stuff packed and the stress of moving and just the chaos in my own head I’ve dropped some anchors here and there. Sorry guys. I don’t have a story to tell this time. Or any real update.

That being said, I actually do have some good news! We now have 22 Crew Members!!!!! Sweet Neptune you guys! Thank you so much!! You guys rock! I am planning on doing a special project once we reach 50 Crew Members. So keep spreading the word! Also I just (as in literally 10 minutes ago) downloaded Art Amino. I have to play around with it some and then I’ll put up a link to find me there. Things are looking up. Thank you!

All in all, it might be like next week that more art work will be posted again. Moving is for the birds. It means so much to me to see that we gather one more Member or someone comments on my doodles on Insta and such. Please continue your support and encouragement! You guys give me so much strength! Thank you so, so much.

Final notes from your Captain. Someone needs to invent teleportation. Period. Your Captain is seriously done with all these boxes and mess. //grumble, grumble// A Captain’s strength comes from their Crew. And I know that I have the strongest Crew on all the Seas. Now let’s get this new ship up and running and out to Sea once again! Just let me find that lucrative Map. Arughhhhhh…….

 

Your Captain,

Suzanna

Entry 5: Self Reflection

Captain’s Log: A moment to reflect

Sometimes when things seem to be going smoothly, it is a good time to reflect on things. To reflect on the things that you have over come. The things that you are still struggling through. With your reflection comes the good and the bad. You realize that you have been through some dark days and came out stronger then ever. And sometimes you don’t really see how far you have come until you look back to where you were in the beginning.

Even though it has been a relatively short time since my first entry that you all have read, that wasn’t even really day 1 for me. My actual journey started months before. Here is a little back story for you all that you may or may not have been wanting. You may have been noticing me writing about my abyss that I crawled out of, or the pit of despair that I was in since graduation. That pit was one of self make. I created that after I got some harsh and blunt criticism. That kind of makes me sound like a brat and say my shiz don’t stink, but I have always been the opposite of that, I’ve always been hyper-critical of myself. And I value helpful critics and advice about my work, because how can you get any better if you don’t know what you are doing is wrong? And hearing all the self criticism out loud from someone I looked up to and valued their option of my work really hit home. It just validated every negative thought in my head. I thought I could push through it and just see the silver lining in the words. But that was not true.

From December 2015 to around January 2018, I was stuck in and endless abyss. I tried multiple ways to break the walls. I researched tips and tricks to help break the darkness that surrounded me. Little things like getting a new pencil, or a drawing prompt book, or art books, etc. Just little things that I thought would cause a domino effect within me. And as time went on I started to doubt that I would ever draw again. It got to a point where I was actually getting anxiety just thinking about drawing. I was so scared. I was scared of failure. I was scared that people wouldn’t like my work. I was scared that I was never going to improve. But time kept moving and no magical fix was happening for me.

In the beginning of January 2018 something just clicked in me. I don’t recall what really set things in motion. It seems to be like a combination of my friends pushing me to be creative again, even if it sucks, and my soul just having enough of this self induced Hell. So I started out very small. Just picking up a pencil and start doodling. Let me tell you that wasn’t as easy as it sounds. For the longest time my mind has convinced my body that drawing was something to fear and I should react accordingly. If you have never experienced anxiety on a physical level, let me help you understand a bit. Think of something that is extremely scary. For example, if you are afraid of heights, think about standing on the ledge of a skyscraper and looking down. Or think about having a gun shoved in your face during a mugging. Seems a bit extreme, right? However, your brain can make you think that certain things are on that same level. My brain convinced my body that drawing was death. I would lock up, thoughts raced through my head, all my muscles would constrict, my breathing would get heavy and sallow. A few times I broke down sobbing. It was difficult. It still is sometimes, but it is getting better every day.

Come February, I picked up a daily planner. First thing that I blocked out was to get my website up and running. It may have taken me until April to actually post my first entry, but in the grand scheme of things that is a success. If you asked me last year when I would have finished my website, I would have laugh at you and said “as soon as I can” and changed the subject.

Now I am working on making weekly posts. I am getting there. I just have to remember that not all of my posts have to have some sort of completed piece to go with it. Hahahah… I am such a noob sometimes. Even with the struggles, I am hella proud that I have come so far. And to anyone that is reading is going through the same thing and is at a loss, just remember, as cliche it sounds, it does get better. I am proof of that.

All in all, you now know more about me than you probably ever wanted to know. Well, too bad for you! HAHAHAHAHA… I’m just pulling your leg. I’ve been wanted to explain a few things for a while and just didn’t know how. And today all the words seem to just tumble out. And if you have any questions for me please ask.

In other news, I completed my friend’s emote for her Twitch account! I still have to ask her if I can post it on here. It shouldn’t be a problem, but you know how things work. Always expect the unexpected. I also was researching some art community forums. I have read about this app call Art Amino. Seems pretty legit. So look for my tag in a coming post. Also, I am planning on posting more frequently on Tumblr. I just need to work on scheduling my time a little bit better. The struggle. But I am getting better with my Instagram! So proud! Twitter is still my troll under the bridge. I’ll solve your riddles eventually! Please follow me on everything that I have up so far. 🙂

Last words from your Captain. Even in the beginning of you journey, it is always a good thing to take some time and reflect on how far you have truly come. Always be proud of where you are now vs where you started from. There is always going to be ups and downs in your journey. It is how you handle each event that makes up who you are. You may get knocked down. It might seem like you will never be able to pick yourself up. Just give yourself some time. Only you can truly make you do anything. Sometimes your greatest enemy is the person staring at you in the mirror. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. As your Captain, I’ll always have your back. Hopefully, you will have mine too. Now raise your head sailor, we have a world to explore and conquer. Let us sail to the next great adventure!

 

Your Captain,

Suzanna

Entry 4: I MADE A THING!

Captain’s Log: Finally Land!

Attention Crew! We have successfully made it to our first piece of actual land! Please bask in the awesomeness that is our fortune. Along the way we have also added more Crew members! Cheers! Cheers, to the high seas and good company!

On a little side note before we begin, I wanted to thank all those who have pressed that Follow button. Thank you a million times! In all honesty, I didn’t think that I was going to get so many follows so quickly! (11 freaking Crew Members!!! I am speechless!) You guys are a true inspiration and driving force! Thank you so much. I promise there is going to be way more consistency and fun along the way! So, welcome aboard!

In my last post I talked about needing to get a new drawing tablet, because of issues. (Let’s not reopen those wounds for reasons.) So, it came and it is freaking huge! My only one was like the size of a note card compared to this thing. It took me a little while to adjust the sensitivity and make sure that it was set up for a lefty. Pro tip: When ever you get a new drawing tablet, ALWAYS calibrate it for your drawing style. For example, I can be heavy handed while drawing and I want to make sure that the tablet picks up when I want it to be light strokes, because my light strokes could be your heavy strokes. Plus being a lefty in a dominated right handed world, you have to make sure the tablet knows that you aren’t having a stroke, you are just left handed. (PS right handed scissors are going to be the death of me.) It took a bit to get some what comfortable with the tablet. I am still getting used to it. Like breaking in new shoes, it is going to be painful, but it will be worth it in the end.

ON TO THE ART!

First redo project! So, just as a reminder, this first project is going to be like a bookmark. Just something to help get my sea-legs and see what I have forgotten and need to study more. So I am going to be walking you through my process and the talking about what I think I need to work on. Please feel free to comment on your own thoughts about what I need to improve on.

Original Sketch 2010:IMG_20180517_205551

In 2010 I was in my junior year of high school. Yeah, so I am going to leave it at that. (Sweet Neptune, my phone still sucks.)

The first thing I did before doing any kind of redraw was look for reference photos. I think that is one of the main things that was drilled into me at college; you are only as good as your experience and references. I got major inspiration from butterflies and flowers. (I blame the binge watching of a certain fairy and her movies *hint, hint; nudge, nudge*)

Inspiration drawing/concept:fairysketch

Clean up Sketch:fairyline1

One thing that I know I need to work on is HANDSSSSSSS!!!! LOOK AT THOSE THINGS!!

Cleaner Line work:fairycleansket

Next thing to also work on in my line work. It isn’t as smooth as I would like it. Plus I still need to work on proportions. Those arms are a bit off, I think.

Coloring:fairycolor

NEED TO STUDY SHADING AGAIN! But overall, it turned out pretty well.

Final edits:Fire_Fairy

MAGICAL!! Photoshop’s lighting was just not cutting it for me. So, I popped this bad boy into Illustrator to add some flares. Then I tried the Live Trace tool on this piece. In college for my thesis, I would just that tool to clean up my lines and such for my comic. I just tried it for shiz and giggles. And it was baller! I liked it way better than the painterly version in Photoshop. In hindsight, I should have picked a different background color. And the flames kind of faded away into the hair a bit. Whoops.

Things to study:

  • Hands
  • Shading
  • Line work
  • Proportions
  • Other (Let me know what else!)

Unneeded Information Alert: This piece took over 6 hours, over the course of three days. The struggle. 

This project turned out WAY, WAY, WAY better than I thought it was going to. It felt really good to get back into the art groove. I loved it. I highly recommend for anyone to try this. It doesn’t matter if you are just crawling out of your hole like I am, or you have been arting for years, or just starting. Find something that you drew/doodled a long time ago and just redo it! You will see improvements and get inspiration!

In other news, I am getting more active on my Insta. Please feel free to check out what I have been sketching recently. With all the new followers, do you guys want me to set up some sort of community platform? I heard Discord is a good place, or Artimino? I’ll do some research if that is something you guys are interested in it. Twitter shall be my archnemesis. I’ll get one eventually, please hold your rope. Next projects are my friend’s Twitch emojis and another redo. Plus studying! Look forward to some studies on Insta. The challenges are mounting!

Last words from your Captain! Alas, the celebration has ended and it is time to set sail once again! This time with more Crew members and higher hopes. Our course is not set in stone. We are blowing towards were ever the winds takes us. The sea is a vast and majestic place. Be prepared for anything and everything. Lessons are learned every day. Let us sail into tomorrow with cheer and merriment!

 

Your Captain,

Suzanna

Entry 3: Tech Disaster

Captain’s Log: Damage to Ship’s Equipment!

WARNING: Your Captain is still very salty and scorned with the happenings of this past week. Here is your heads up.

 

It was just a rock! A huge rock in the middle of the seas. I feel disappointed at my self. I thought we reached a new land. Then…. BOOM! ROCK! The first set back is always the hardest. Your Captain truly apologizes.

You know that moment when you get all pumped and hyped for what you are about to do and then something trips you up and all that energy just poofs? It is like having the wind knocked out of you. I got so angry at myself, I angry swept my living room and started to clean things that did not need to be cleaned. Little known fact, when I get angry at something stupid I angry clean. Weird? Probably, but at least I’m not punching walls or breaking things. It is the little things in life.

Sorry, shiny things. So I actually started that redo project! I was in the zone compiling references and jamming out to my music. It was a good day. I plug in my tablet to start sketching and it wasn’t programmed to my computer. I was totally fine with that. The computer I have currently I bought with my tax refund back last year and forgot to install my tablet programs. So I went on the site for my brand of tablet to download the software. And that is when things started to go downhill. Turns out, my tablet is too outdated. The site couldn’t find my tablet’s software. I thought I was just a dingus and did some searching. NOTHING! Besides buying the tablet all over to get the hard copy.

Then I remembered that I tend to keep hard copies of stuff just in case. I got excited again and ran to my room and started to upturn everything to find the CDs. Halfway through and a HUGE mess later I remembered something very important. Back in the end of Fall/ beginning of Winter, I did a mass cleaning of all my stuff. I bagged clothes that I don’t wear or fit into for donation, I junked broken equipment that was just covered in dust, I recycled mounds of paper that I couldn’t reuse or just needed to go, and I just downsized my stuff. And in all my wisdom and glory (note the heavy sarcasm) I got rid of all my hard copies to programs that I just don’t use anymore or just don’t think I needed. GUESS WHAT CD WAS IN THAT MESS?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah, my tablet CD. Freaking GENIUS! (Heavy, heavy sarcasm.)

After a bit of a over dramatic melt down and swearing worse than any sailor that you have ever heard, I felt defeated. I even tried to use just my mouse to draw. That was horrifying. I am a lefty and I grew up with using a mouse with my right hand like most people, but have you tried drawing with you non-dominate hand? Let alone with a mouse? Freak, it is the worst. I got so frustrated and discouraged it was pitiful.

But I didn’t just throw in the towel and just quit. Surprising? Very! I got my references all set up and a new composition for the redo all ready. I bit the bullet and found a new tablet for $59. Cheap? Yes! (My internal dragon was pleased.) But the reviews looked promising. And this tablet is just a stepping stone. Once this Ship really gets going, I am hoping to save enough money to get like a professional grade drawing base like the Cintiq or something similar. Until then, my new tablet is arriving Monday! Hopefully I get a hang of it quickly and really push through this project!

Did you guys think I was done there? Hell no! I broke out my water colors and inking pens and did a few sketches! Please check them out on my Instagram! I’ll be adding more sketches and stuff to my Insta, hopefully, everyday. I am only human, so I might be forgetful at times. But send me a shout out to let me know if I am slacking.

In other news, I am still working on my social media sites. Twitter really wants me to connect a cell number with the account. So, I’m going to have to bite another bullet and get a cell phone with a plan! The struggle is real. Twitch is looking more and more appealing. Although, I’m not sure if I want to do computer art or traditional. What do you guys want to see? I could do both too. Speaking of Twitch, my friend recently got affiliate for her stream and wants me to make her emoticons. And the dimensions are SUPER tiny!  It is going to be a challenge. Pixel art here I come!

Last words from your Captain. As disappointing as this rock was, it was still a lesson learned. Not everything on the horizon will lead you to glory. There are going to be false positives and crashes. But we have seen the silver lining in this bump. Our journey is not over. Our adventure is going to continue. Let’s raise anchor and set sail! Tomorrow is a new day!

 

Your Captain,

Suzanna

 

(Links to my Instagram are in the Footer of this website. Just click on the + sign at the bottom of the page and it should pop up.)

Day 15……..

Captain’s Log: Entry 2

I just noticed that it has been 15 DAYS since my FIRST entry. I could make a thousand and one excuses to my inept at my time management skills, bbbbuuuuutttttttt………. I am about 110% sure that you all can see right through it. In all honesty, your Captain isn’t as (for lack of a better way to put it) put together as she was as a Greenhorn in school. Probably has something to do with the rabbit hole of an abyss that I fell down once I left the structure of my schooling. And that is a WHOLE other topic in and of itself. (Please let me know if you want me to write a passage about my struggles after leaving school.) Please note, this has just been a series of some choppy waters, and nothing too serious. I’ll get better and more consistent. Please stick with your Captain.

On a lighter note, I have been doing some art! And before you ask, unfortunately it is not the redo project that I spoke of last time. I got a bit distracted, but it is much better than nothing. My sister has been bugging me to make her a piece for her new place. After weeks of her asking me if I made it yet, I FINALLY DID IT! And it turned out really good!

received_10216257984745288

My phone camera is appalling. I tried to fix it up with Photoshop, but there is just no saving it. I just wanted to make sure everything is visible. But in reality it is like a baby blue color and dry brushed and it has a feeling of movement. (Maybe I’ll get a better picture of it later and post it on my Insta or somewhere.)

My sister and I went to the craft store just to look around for some ideas and maybe a brush or some paint. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….. Please note: I can never go into a craft store and not feel like buying everything in sight! That conflicts with my dragon side who likes to hoard all my money. It also doesn’t help that my sister loves to shop and enables me in to spending money. The struggle is real. So, we found this cute wooden cut out of a whale’s tail and I had ideas for it. Have any of you guys seen/heard of this new (at least new to me) painting technique where you layer different colors of paint and add a flow medium? It makes the paint react strangely and look like it is breaking apart. It is super cool. And my description is not doing it justice. (I’ll leave some links** at the end for more information.)  It sort of has like a marbling effect. So, I tried it out on this piece of wood and it came out AMAZING! My sister loves it!

received_10216264826236321

Again, my phone’s camera is the absolute worst! The colors are baby pink, white, champagne, gold, and rose gold. The metallic colors have a lovely shine to them. With the reaction to the flow medium it makes the paint act like actual whale’s skin! Someday I’ll have a fancy phone with a decent camera.

In other news, I am still planning to do the redo project. I’ll probably do it this weekend. Sounds like a solid plan, right? I think so. But we shall see come Monday and if I make a new entry then. I just have to relearn how to discipline myself again. I thought I was the master at self discipline and time management. HA, I am completely at like a middle school level again. Please stick with me and all my crazy scheduling until I get better. I promise it won’t be for long.

Before I forget! I reactivated my Instragram! And I now have a Twitch account! I am still doing research for the Twitch platform, so I don’t think I’ll be streaming for a bit. I have to make a new Twitter, due to the fact I don’t remember my password for the life of me and the email address I used to open it is deactivated, and I don’t have a cell number to connect with it for security measures. It might be a bit for the Twitter, but I will get one up again ASAP. I am still up in the air about Facebook. I’ll need more time to think about activating a page on that platform. And if there are any other platforms that you think I should post to/join, please let me know! The more ways I can connect with people the merrier.

One last comment from your Captain! The skys look clear, and the seas calm. There seems to be land on the horizon! Our first quest awaits us! Let’s hope more want to join our adventures and shenanigans! Full sail ahead Crew!

Your Captain,

Suzanna

 

** Links for painting technique:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgb8jW0JzIU

https://wtop.com/arts/2018/02/try-acrylic-pour-painting-and-go-with-the-flow/

(Pretty much, just Google “painting technique with flow medium”. There are just sooooo many good videos and articles about it, we would be here all day!) 🙂

Day 1

As of today, my ship is finally ready to set sail! There is going to be a few things I am going to add or change in the future, but she is looking good

First task to start after setting sail is to begin a project. I’m thinking of redoing one of my old sketches. Just to get the blood pumping and the mind working. Just between you and me, I haven’t been keeping up with my skills for a while. I’ve heard of other artists falling into the abyss and loosing themselves after they leave the structure of college. That they don’t know how to lead themselves in the Seas. And to be honest, that is what has happened to this Captain. I have realized that I have to make the effort to push past my fears and blocks and fight for what I want. So that is what I plan to do! And I intend to document the entire journey! Maybe even when I am 83 and can barely hold a pencil, I’ll keep on ticking.

So this first redo project is going to be a base line for me. I am going to re-sketch and finalize the idea. Hopefully I’ll pick out what skills I need to work on and what skills have just totally disappeared. When you fall to rock bottom there is one way left to go. In the next couple of days I am going to give you all access to the process from start to finish. Maybe you all can see things that I miss when I start to compile my list of improvements.

Second task to start is to get more social media accounts. Mainly I just have to remember my passwords to my Twitter and Instagram. It has been a LONG time since I’ve logged into those. I am thinking that I want to start a creative Twitch account. Maybe once I am more comfortable with my rusty skills. What do you guys think? Any other sites should I look into posting my work? Please let me know what you think.

Alright Crew, we have left the docks. No looking back. We can only look forward. We shall enjoy the calm and the sunny days, and weather the storms like champs. As your Captain for this adventure, I look forward to you joining me. As a precursor, thank you. And let the adventures BEGIN!!!

 

Your Captain,

Suzanna